MrT vs Mercurymon
by Crow T R0bot
Summary: If the title does not self explanitory, I don't know what is


Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon or Mr.T, if I owned the former, then I would remember more than half the names of the 04 Digimon. Which now that I brought it up, you can GENTLY flame me for it, and it shows.  
  
Our story begins in downtown L.A., where our hero, Mr.T is having breakfast watching the only show he likes better than The A-Team: Digimon.  
  
"Damn, there's nothin' you need more than milk, gold chains, and an episode of Digimon to start your weekday mornin'." Mr.T said as he watched the episode where Takuya fought Shadow-Seraphimon.  
  
"Y'know Mercurymon, this has to be too easy." said the fusion-evolved version of Takuya.  
  
(A/N: that's one of the many Digimon whose name escapes me)  
  
"If thou thought thy hast won then think again!"  
  
"Come on, I'm helluva tough now, that half-assed dark-reflection, of yours ain't gonna hold against that big-ass attack I have"  
  
(A/N: (sarcastic) Yay! Now I have another reason to be flamed!)  
  
"Don't be so naïve, doth thou notice something different since thou hast changed back?"  
  
Takuya took a closer look at the warrior of darkness, he looked the same at first glance, but then he saw something that he was completely baffled from missing. Mercurymon was now wearing the most gold-chains Takuya had ever seen in his life... Or at all.  
  
"WHAT THE FOO'?!" Yelled a dumbfounded Mr.T.  
  
"Are you trying to make a fashion statement before you get deleted?"  
  
"Thou ist the densest opponent I have faced in thy life, these are no ordinary gold chains, these are the chains of the mightiest warrior in the Multiverse..."  
  
"You mean..."  
  
"Yes... Rosie O'Donnel"  
  
Mr.T spat out his milk right at the TV screen right there.  
  
"Uh...actually I was thinking of Mr.T."  
  
"What? Oh right, T, thou was thinking of someone else" the dark warrior said before ogling at a photo of Rosie O'Donell that he pulled out of his pocket."  
  
"You do know she's Lesbian, right?"  
  
Mercurymon glared at Takuya, he was clearly helluva pissed now.  
  
"If thou had thought before talking, I might have given you mercy, but now with these gold-chains and the power of T flowing through me, I will roast you in your own juices"  
  
'Crap' Takuya thought 'how could this get any worse?'  
  
"Oh, thou also hath a backup copy of Seraphimon's Fractal code!"  
  
'You just had to think that, didn't you Takuya?' he thought to himself.  
  
"MERCURYMON, DARK DIGIVOLVE TOOOOO........!"  
  
Mercurymon was back to his ShadowSeraphimon form, but now he was still clad in Mr.T's gold-chains. He had become...  
  
"......HELLUVASERAPHIMON!"  
  
"I am going to die."  
  
"I CAN'T TAKE THIS! NOBODY STEALS MAH CHAINS!" Yelled a pissed off Mr.T. "THAT MERCURYMON FOOL IS DEAD SUCKA!"  
  
Mr.T got one of his spare sets of gold-chains (he has a lot), grabbed the keys to his van, and rushed out the door.  
  
"That Mercurymon foo's crazier than Murdock!" he said getting in his van "Good thing mah van is helluva fast!"  
  
With the speed of a sugar-high Imperialdramon on a Steroid/amphetimanes mix, Mr.T's 1982 Custom GMC van ripped a hole in the the dimensional plane, allowing him to get to the Digital world.  
  
"Now prepare to be known dead!" bellowed HelluvaSeraphimon. "STRIKE, OF THE 7 HELLUVA STARS!"  
  
The 7 spheres of energy collided with the warrior of fire, he didn't even flinch when Mercurymon was ShadowSeraphimon, but now that he had Mr.T's gold chains, Takuya staggered and became his human self when the first "star" hit him. The poor guy was barely conscious from that blow alone. Fortunately, the other 6 stars missed.  
  
"Now to crush thou with... Ah screw the clichéd end lines, I'll just kill thee now!"  
  
But before HelluvaSeraphimon could say his attack name again, the doors of the church-like place burst open and plowing through was an all too familiar 1982 Custom GMC van...And plowed right into HelluvaSeraphimon, smashing the poor bastard into the organs.  
  
"What trickery be this?"  
  
"The only trick you know is stealin' mah chains sucka!"  
  
"That voice." said Takuya, who was magically healed just because I said so and I'm the author.  
  
Mr.T leapt out of the van and is now confronting H-Seraphimon.  
  
"You got into some serious trouble when you stole my gold chains" Now I'm gonna throw your ass to Spiceworld!" He spat.  
  
"If thou wants a fight then be thy guest, but I'd rather fight alone, than with that child in the audience." H-Seraphimon said picking Takuya up, and throwing him into one of those eyeball things, teleporting him out of Sukakumon.  
"TAKUYA!" Zoe, Tommy, Neemon, Bokomon, and JP shouted in unison.  
  
"You're never gonna believe this! Look up at Sukakamon!" Takuya said as he got up  
  
The gang looked up at one of the orbs on the weird maze thingy and saw an image of H-Seraphimon, and then a vision of a weird looking mohawked- psycho...  
  
"Wait a second, since when did Mercurymon become ShadowSeraphimon again? When did he get those chains? And who's that..." Zoe said before recognizing the figure. "OH MY GAWD IT'S MR.T!"  
  
"Mr.T? Isn't he that has-been that's always promoting milk and youth centers?" said JP.  
  
"That would be the height of it."  
  
"How do you know it could be his last initial? what if it's a Mr.K, or Mr.G, or Mr.Q, or Mr.X. or..." Neemon said before Bokomon hit him in the back of his head with a fold-up chair.  
  
"That should shut him up!"  
  
Mr.T and H-Seraphimon had gone through an eyeball to a junkyard world in Sukakamon.  
  
"This will be our arena. The time to fight is now, have at thee coward!"  
  
"HAVE A TASTE A' MAH BOOMSTICK SUCKA" Mr.T echoed as he whipped out his M- 16 and sprayed H-Seraphimon with a hail of 5.56mm ammo. But H-Seraphimon didn't even have to flinch out of the way, for Mr.T has the worst aim in the world, all 30 bullets whizzed by H-Seraphimon like he wasn't the intended target, for the first time in his life, H-Seraphimon Sweatdropped.  
  
"Methinks you need target practice, you didn't even hit the pile of scrap behind me"  
  
"Cut the Jibba-jabba foo', ah pity the foo' that insults Mr.T's accuracy!" Yelled Mr.T "I guess I gotta use my hands as always!"  
  
With Lightning speed, Mr.T threw his first punch at H-Seraphimon and sent the mega-digimon (Seraphimon is a mega, right?) staggering a few steps backward. Pretty damn good for a human. He pulled H-Seraphimon's left leg and tripped him, but before Mr.T could snatch his chains back, a clawed fist knocked him backwards and H-Seraphimon recovered.  
  
"Nice try Mohawked one, but now thou must be shown the true meaning of HELLUVA TOUGH!" H-Seraphimon said making that stupid pose he makes when he attacks.  
  
"STRIKE, OF THE SEVEN HELLUVA STARS!"  
  
The dark stars darted at Mr.T and he was engulfed in the explosion, when the smoke cleared, there was nothing left...  
  
"NOOOOO, NOT MR.T! WHO'LL BUILD ALL THE YOUTH CENTERS!?" Tommy cried.  
  
The other children, weren't so sure, Mr.T couldn't have gone down that easily  
  
"T, pretending to die in that explosion was one of the most brilliant moves you ever made" thought Mr.T as he surveyed the mounds of machine parts piled on each other. "Now to get to work."  
  
Mr.T then pulled a blow-torch, and other power tools out of the back of his van and got to work, with the "building materials" around him.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
"With the almighty T out of the picture, I can finally be rid of those quarrelsome brats, and even overthrow lord Kerpymon (a.k.a. Cherubimon) and I will rule the Digital world! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"  
  
"ENOUGH OF TO' JIBBA-JABBA FOO'!"  
  
H-Seraphimon's glee turned into pure terror when he turned around and saw Mr.T alive, uninjured...And driving an M1 Abram tank made out of twisted metal.  
  
"But how, I...you..."  
  
"...Like mah van, I'm flattered, Ah made it mah-self."  
  
H-Seraphimon was at a loss for words, his silence was interrupted when Mr.T fired the main cannon of his tank at H-Seraphimon sending him flying backwards, Mr.T then fired at least 20 Hell-fire Missiles at the dark angel causing him to collapse on the spot, he then drove his tank over the crazy foo'(uh-oh, now he's got me doing it, I must be crazier than Murdock) to pin him down. He leapt out and recovered his gold chains.  
  
"To think you could have avoided all dis' trouble if you just hadn't taken mah chains" he said  
  
"Oh no without doth those Gold-chains, Thy be just wimpy old ShadowSeraphimon!"  
  
"That's right foo', and wit twice as much gold, I'm twice as powerful, so you going to have you' Shakespeare talkin' ass getting the jive kicked out of it!"  
  
(WARNING: The following is a completely gratuitous ass-wooping scene that, according to the MPAA rating system, is deemed inappropriate for everybody. It is therefore censored)  
  
"NNNNNOOOOOOOOOO" S-Seraphimon screamed as the code around him dissipated, leaving only Mercurymon.  
  
"See what happens when you mess with Mr.T? You ruin your life, and become somebody's fool!"  
  
"Ugh, thou art helluva tough!"  
  
"That's right sucka, and now fo' my finishin' move!"  
  
"No, Thy beggeth you Mr.T, by God, spare my life, for thou art pansie ring a bell T!"  
  
"Cut the jibba-jabba foo'. You never thought of anybody but yo-self, so why should I pity you?" Mr.T said as he hoisted the limp digimon over his head.  
  
"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.... .........." Mercurymon screamed as Mr.T threw him helluva far into the wild blue yonder. Mr.T then got in his van and drove into the nearest eyball, landing outside w/ the other kids (except Kouji, remember how in the episode before, he and Duskmon were thrown helluva far out of Sukakumon).  
  
"Thanks for the hand Mr.T, any chance of helping us defeat Kerpymon?" Asked Takuya.  
  
"Sorry kid, but technically, I shoudn't be here, I already did enough damage to the storyline by being here, time to leave."  
  
"Well, we accept your decision T, I respect your decision."  
  
"Good thing kid, and for all of you, remember, you can either be a somebody, or somebody's foo'. Try not to be somebody's foo' when you fight Kerpymon or Cherubi-whatever Jibba-Jabbamon that guy's name is." He said as he got into his van.  
  
Just after he turned the keys, he had one last thing to say to our (other) heroes.  
  
"Oh, kids, stay in school, don't do drugs, drink your milk, and go to youth centers so you can be somebody!"  
  
Just as Mr.T was about to hit the gas petal, he could've sworn he heard the ground shake. He decided not to investigate, and drove off in half the blink of an eye. Little did he realize that the DigiDestined falling over like any sensible anime character with that final message caused the shaking.  
  
"Hey, just where did Mercurymon go?" Tommy said when he got up a few minutes later.  
Somewhere in the skies above New York City, we see a familiar green-armored figure flying past the Statue of Liberty  
  
"That Mr.T can sure throw Helluva FAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!"  
  
THE END  
  
Well, I hope you like it, and if you don't understand what was with all that stuff about milk and youth centers, go to www.mrtvseverything.com and you'll see what I mean. Now review, if you must flame, be gentle. 


End file.
